Dancing Alone

Funny thing happened today.. I went to Subway and there was like 30 Asian foreigners there.. I didn't know Asian FOBs (Fresh Off the Boat) were so into American sub sandwiches.. So I'm in waiting in line with about 4 Chinese foreigners in front of me, along with 3 Japanese female exchange students.. Every member of each party is limited in their abilities to speak English.. So it's taking a while to place their orders.. There's a thick red headed white girl with her hair pulled back and her lips pierced taking all their orders.. She has this look of frustration on her face every time she takes an order.. She's describing the sizes of the sandwiches with her hands.. She puts them closer together when describing a small and spreading them wider apart when describing a large sandwich, and then proceeding to point at the pictures to ask what bread they want.. And then she talks really loud to get her words across.. I don't know why people always do this.. Their ability to understand English may be impaired, but I'm sure their hearing is perfectly intact.. Speaking slower might help, but louder?? So yeah.. I get to the front.. (Mind you, I'm Asian-American) And she starts to speak really loud and uses her made-up sign language to describe the sizes to me.. And I answer back "Yeah.. I'd like a 12 inch Cold Cut Combo on Honey Oat and make that a meal with the chips and a Diet Coke". Her reaction was half stupid and half relieved.. It was sorta funny... The next person comes to the front of the line and this time she speaks normal to him, and he looks confused.. And her look of contempt ensues as she starts her process all over again..

The Subway I went to was in the middle of a busy outlet mall near where I live... So far I've lived in California for about 4 months straight... And today is President's Day.. A very busy day for shopping centers out here.. You should have seen all the mark-downs today.. No wonder everybody from Chinatown and J-Town showed up..

When I left Subway, I had to tell a friend about the funny incident that took place. So I called up my buddy Gym (Not his real name, but there's a funny story behind that). So Gym and I exchanged a few laughs. He tells me that he's looking for suspenders or a new belt and I gather the details on what type of belt/suspenders he's looking for and then we hang up. I put in my headphones and start walking around. As I'm walking throughout the outdoor shopping center on a partially beautiful sunny day.. I realize something.. I'm alone.. So alone.. And I'm not even saying this in a bad way..

You see.. For the last 3 years I've been single and although I lived in a town for most of those years with several friends, I chose to be alone most of the time.. I ate alone, I drank coffee alone.. And I've observed every person around me alone.. It's incredible how attentive you are to your surroundings when you're all by yourself.. You notice the weather, the air, the traffic, the way people move, the way people walk, how people interact with one another.. The brand new couple that hold each others' hand like they want to build a future.. And the old couple who do the same because they don't want to let go of the past they built together.. I noticed children chasing each other like nothing else existed except for their laughter and their non-sensical eruption of energy... I noticed an old man sitting upright, asleep on a bench with a bag from Van's wrapped around his wrists, most likely holding merchandise for his grandchildren. As I wandered into the stores.. I kept noticing little details... It was wonderful... As much dirt as we see on TV and the News these days.. The one thing I noticed is that there's a lot more beauty in this world than there is shit... No matter what they tell you..

I continued to walk.. The music in my ears made me want to dance on every corner like nobody was watching.. Sounds corny as shit, right?? But being alone all these years has taught me that there's no shame in it.. Spectating is something you can learn to appreciate if you let your heart and mind absorb what this world has to offer.. Don't get me wrong.. I'm going through such a rough patch right now and sometimes being alone can be the hardest thing in the world because you start to live in your mind.. And that can be a scary thing when things are not going your way.. But the moment I get out and see the rest of the world.. It makes me believe in things again.. The ability for people to care and love one another.. And I can relate to every moment that I see.. The soft kiss on the forehead from a man to a woman.. The father picking up his son.. And tossing him up in the air.. The uncontrollable laughter amongst a group of friends... And the first bite of a great tasting sandwich... These are experiences that are somewhat far and few as of late.. But I grow to appreciate these things as they become less accessible..

Sooo yeah... I didn't mean to get all sentimental.. In fact, I originally just wanted to tell the sandwich story... But I had to share my experience of this delicious life that we all take for granted... As things get harder and harder for me.. I have to continue to tell myself that we live for the little moments.. The moments that only last for a few seconds at a time.. The moments that our sub-conscious' will forever cherish, yet our mouths rarely speak of.. If we took a snapshot of every smile and laugh we cracked.. We'd have a montage of what looks like a perfect life.. And life is not perfect... And I'm glad it's not.. Because if it was.. I wouldn't know what it feels like to climb out of darkness and see light.. I wouldn't know what it feels like to fall and rise again.. Only in experiencing the worst can we truly capture the essence of what it feels like to be the best..

So as I move forward in this journey alone.. I look forward to the fellowship that I see amongst others.. I look forward to what won't be.. what could be.. And all of the unknown...

(Wow.. that was some good music I was listening to during that walk around the shopping center, lol)Oh, I forgot to mention, the slow-mo of the eye catching gaze between me and the girl at Aldo was probably the most epic moment of all... Made me smile for a moment.. About 5'4" olive complexioned brunette, with long boots, skinny jeans, and a ruffled, short-sleeved blouse.. She had a short boy-haircut which I normally hate.. But damn!! She pulled it off!! Hot damn!! Ok.. I totally ruined the flow and mood of the entire blog entry.. But hey, whatever.. I started off the thing with a bit of humor so I can end it with some hot chick! Alright, non-existent readers.. I'm outta here.. Til next time..

-Observing You