The "Exception" Couple: It doesn't exist...

*Have you ever met the couple that always argues, fights, bickers, and then complain about their relationship?

*Do they show more contempt for each other than two rival gangs?

*Do they appear to be polar opposites and never seem to agree on anything?

*Do they always make you think "What the fuck?? Why are they together??"

*Do you let them squeak by because your relationship is similar to theirs?

*Why are these couples together? Why do they think it will work?

I'll tell you why.. These guys think that they're the exception to the rule.. They think that somehow, or some way they're different from everyone else. And THAT type of thinking will ultimately lead to wasting your entire life away. I will admit that I wasted 7 years because I held onto something that should have ended 6 years earlier than it took place.

Here are a few myths and quotes that must be crushed immediately!!

*Opposites Attract*
Boy, has this concept been taken out of context. This is the biggest bullshit I've ever heard. People will use this phrase to death to justify why they took a chance in a relationship. But trust me, IT IS BULLSHIT!

If you're clean and she's a slob, it won't work! If she wants kids and you don't, it won't work! If you're allergic to cats and she has 3 of them, it won't work! If she wants to live on the countryside with a beautiful view of the lake and you want to live on the top floor of a Manhattan penthouse, it won't work! Your common goals and outlook on life must be consistent with each other, or it won't work!

Now.. one might wonder.. "What did they mean, when they said 'Opposites Attract'?"

Ok.. Well, this rule does work, when it is used in the right context..

For Example:

*If you're an extrovert and she's an introvert, you can very well balance each other out. One may like to talk, and the other one may love to listen.

*If one loves the sound of rock music and the other likes the sound of jazz.. You may be able to find some harmony in between.

*If one loves to read and the other one loves TV, she can read with the light on while he dozes off to Conan O'brien. And in the morning they can discuss their amusement of each thing they've learned from their source of entertainment.

These things can make the relationship more interesting, because you're constantly learning things about each other, and realize, these opposite things are what makes the person so beautiful in your eyes.

But hot topics like, living in the city or the suburbs, the cleanliness of the house, wanting children or not, spending or saving; these are the exact subjects people bicker about every single day until it rolls on top of another nuisance and another... and another.. until it just turns into a pile of dirty laundry that you threw on the backburner for a year because you still haven't agreed on anything. Or maybe you did agree on something, but you sacrificed your own happiness in order to please your significant other.. (Which will end up haunting you later anyway)

It is a romanticized idea to think that you're the actual couple who can get through this mess.. If you're that couple that everyone thinks should split.. DO IT!! Do yourself and the other person a favor and SPLIT THE FUCK UP!! He/She won't agree with you at first, but if they're fairly level-headed, they will see that it happened for the best later on... If they never realize it should have ended, then they're probably psychotic and have no self-esteem.. Which you'd wanna get rid of immediately anyway...

If you ever question why you're so unhappy and all the other couples are happy, then you really need to SPLIT THE FUCK UP! Because, most couples are pretty fucked up, and for you to think yours is the worst, then he/she must be really making your life miserable...

Now, if you choose to hold onto this miserable thing that you call a "relationship", then be ready to accept the consequences. Here are the following scenarios:

1. You will cheat on her.
2. She will cheat on you.
3. You will leave her for another woman.
4. She will leave you for another man.
5. She will leave you for another woman.
6. He will become a raging alcoholic and beat you.
7. She will become a raging coke addict and cut off your dick.

Ok ok... I was just being a smart ass towards the last few but yeah.. As I was saying...

8. You will both end up saying things to each other that shouldn't be said.. And you will enter a verbally or physically abusive relationship..

Now for my next point... You might ask....

"How do I know if I fit this criteria? And where do I seek advice?"

***ASK RELIABLE FRIENDS*** I EMPHASIZE "RELIABLE"!!!!


*DO NOT ask a friend who is a pussy pushover and always ends up getting the shaft in relationships. He/she will tell you to take the abuse because they think their own relationship is working because they never stand up for themselves.

*DO NOT ask a friend who is in a bad relationship at the moment. There's a reason why they're still in a bad relationship.

*DO NOT ask a friend who constantly cheats on their significant other. He/she will just encourage you to look elsewhere to fulfill your needs.

*DO NOT ask a possessive, jealous, paranoid jackass/bitch. He/she will tell you to put this person in check and to show that person who is boss... Which only develops a bigger power struggle.

*DO NOT ask a friend who always ends up getting hurt. He/she is a hopeless romantic who thinks that some day their asshole/bitch cheating significant other will change one day. They're delusional and pathetic.

YES! Ask your level-headed, rational friend who looks at things in a practical and realistic manner. You may only have one of these friends.. But look long and hard before you pick this person.. Because ultimately, it is only their opinion that might remotely make any sense at all..

YES! Ask your friend who is in a long term, happy relationship. Ask him/her what is it about the other person that makes them so damn happy? You'll be surprised at how empty your own relationship is. (Avoid asking brand new couples.. as they are still experiencing the Honeymoon phase..)

YES! Ask your friend who has never bull-shitted you! He/she has always told you how it is... And if this person has been telling you for a while that you're with the wrong person.. Maybe it's time that you listen...

In closing...


Life is too damn short to be with the wrong person... And when you cut yourself short by thinking that there isn't someone else that can make you happier or that you don't deserve happiness.. You're cutting yourself short of many joys in life... It doesn't make sense that he used to say sweet things to you and now he can barely cough up a decent compliment.. It doesn't make sense that she used to fix herself up just to impress you and now she doesn't even wanna leave the house because she doesn't wanna get out of her sweats... It doesn't make sense that you two were once madly in love and now you can barely stand to see each other in the morning... None of this makes sense.. The only thing that makes sense is.. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS SHIT!! NEITHER ONE OF YOU DO.... And it's time to end it...

Please don't get it twisted. All relationships have tiny, petty arguments and we should all be open to compromise. But if there's a constant failure in compromise. And a constant need to compromise.. Then there's something missing in this equation... People say silly shit like "Nobody said it was going to be easy", but don't listen to those dumb asses.. my answer to that is "But it shouldn't be this fucking hard either"...

So, make a choice, folks.. And I encourage you to learn from your own previous mistakes in relationships.. If there's one consistent thing that all your partners have complained about.. It's time to consider correcting whatever it is that's causing the same complaints.. You can't fix the last fuck up.. But you can certainly prevent the next one from happening.. And also.. Remember the things that pissed you off the most about the previous person.. And remember to NEVER go with another person with the same personality flaws...

Nothing good comes out of staying in a bad relationship... EVER!! And WAKE THE FUCK UP!! You're not special! Your relationship is not special! AND YOU!! YOU!! YOU!! YOU ARE NOT THE FUCKING EXCEPTION TO THE RULE!!

-Observing You

The Constant Boaster: We don't buy your B.S.

The Conquest Bullshitter

Yeah, you know him. You either work with him or you have the displeasure of being his friend. Wow, where do I begin???

Let's break down his silly little lies about conquests.

1. "I've slept with over 50 girls, I lost count a long time ago, man!"
First of all.. Why would you brag about your multiple encounters with STDs? And what kind of bimbo would sleep with a moron like you? Chances are if their standards were that low, then they're probably carrying something. So you're actually just a disgusting piece of shit tooting your own horn about being the prime example of all the diseases we learned about in sex ed.
Secondly, I think you're full of shit. Yeah, maybe you have partners in the double digits, but really??? C'mon man.. Any guy who regularly picks up on girls will see right through your lies because a real ladies' man keeps it somewhat discrete in order to continue his streak. Furthermore, who is a witness to your so-called "hook-ups"? Or maybe you're the guy who walks out of a bar with a drunk girl, turns around and winks at your buddies, signaling that you have the cat in the bag.. Which also makes you look like a sleazy rapist who throws roofies in cocktails..

2. "This is how you pick up girls..." (Blah blah blah....)
Oh shit.. I can't stand it.. I make one honest statement about striking out with one girl because she just wasn't interested, plain and simple.. and now this fucking moron wants to act like Dr. Love... Fuck, someone, PLLLEEEASSEE save me!!! Here it goes.. And it starts like this "You just gotta be an asshole..." Been there, done that, dickwad, and it wasn't even intentional, I was just a selfish prick in some relationships, and those ultimately ended! And can you believe that it wasn't even a technique?? And pppuuuulllllleaasse, I've seen your desperate ass get clingy, touchy and over-zealous every single time a half way decent girl pops up! For fucks sake, practice what you preach or shut the fuck up! And the only time I see you start acting like an asshole in front of them is when they shoot you down! You act like a bitter little bitch because you can't take the heat!! Trust me.. when they create distance, that means they're repulsed by your very presence!! So get your hands off her shoulder and move the fuck on!!

3. "Ooooohhh, hey look, I'll be right back, I'm going to say wassup to my girl, Sapphire Candy, she's a local stripper.. I know all the strippers in town!!"
Now.. You don't even need me to get into how pathetic this is.. Really??? Are you fucking kidding me???? First of all, that's gotta be the stupidest and most pathetic thing to brag about.. Do you honestly think that people are going to think that strippers are magically attracted to you?? And it's sad how you memorize all their stage names.. That means you're a regular at the local strip joint and you blow all your money on 3 hours worth of teasing, only to end up going home ALONE with blueballs, jacking off to your 1980's porn collection that you got for $1 a piece at your local garage sale!
Secondly, why the hell would you take pride in knowing so many of these girls? It's like bragging about having the largest collection of STDs! You really want to know a massive quantity of girls who spend all their money on supporting their blow habit? Or wait.. you only meet the ones who are paying their way through college, right? And yes.. it's even more pathetic that you go to these places ALONE!! I'd be lying if I said I haven't gone to these joints, but they're usually for bachelor parties or birthday parties, and usually I'm only buying dances for friends.. But I did talk to one girl who was very honest, she said she's nicest to the loneliest, most desperate, frequent, money spending suckers who know them by name... And you.. my friend.. wait... I take that back.. You're NOT my friend.. you ARE this pathetic, lonely, individual...

I think this sums up this guy for the most part.
Some of his other lies include:


"I had over 30 shots in a single night": Be careful, loser, I may call you out on your bullshit one night, and watch you get alcohol poisoning on your 15th shot....

"I've been in over 200 fights, and never lost": Be careful fuckface, I may piss off the wrong guy on your behalf and watch you get KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT for the "first" time in your life.

"I've never been in love because girls don't mean shit to me": Be careful, shithead, I just may pay a girl to hit on you all night and ask you to elope towards the end, just to watch you say "Yes" and her to respond "I'm just fuckin with you, Douchebag".


"I get free drinks all the time!": Unfortunately.. This one might be true because you're a CHEAP ASS BITCH!! But be careful, bitch.. because one night, I may tell everyone how cheap you are and how you mooch off everyone, just so we can ask you to buy us drinks and remind you of all the times we got you, and I'm sure we won't get any drinks out of you... But being exposed for being cheap will ruin your reputation forever.. not that you haven't already ruined it.. NOBODY wants to be known as the cheap guy, NOBODY!

In closing, I'd like to apologize on my own behalf for cursing so much, but in a civilized world where you have to actually deal with these people, you don't always get an opportunity to verbalize everything you feel openly. I sounded like an ass and wasn't eloquent with my choice of words.. but frankly, when it comes to this subject, I just don't give a shit!! =) If this is your friend... I'm sorry, consider having a serious talk with him or cutting him off eventually.. If this is your co-worker.. I lament the 40 excruciating hours a week you must deal with him, but consider a new job or try to get him fired.. and yes.. I mean it.... If this is YOU.. You probably don't even know it.. But if you ever catch yourself saying anything remotely close to the above phrases or statements in quotes.. Well.. Back the fuck up and remember that my description and response is what most other people are thinking in the back of their head.. And remember.. It's never too late to change... Good luck, fuckface... Hope your journey is one of many realizations and epiphanies...

-Observing You....