Damn it... Ok.. So it's been a little over a month since my last post... Things have happened since.. And things have not happened since as well... So yeah, there's been more delays on opening this restaurant and I'm so sick and tired of waiting.. My parents are freakin stressed the hell out all the time and it's trickling down to me and it gets on my damn nerves.. They're pissed off half the time and the people we hired are dishonest, sleazy, con-artists.. Fuck all of them.. They can all go suck a dick for all I care... I'm sorry.. I'm usually not this negative, but these last few months have been rough..
Wondering what has happened since the last time I wrote? Well... Here's a little bit of insight.. I went to Portland again, surprise!! It was a great trip, extremely eventful and Abram was a great host as always. I had the same room and we partied like it was 1999 3 nights in a row.. Abram is great, the last two nights I was dead tired and he didn't mind just drinking and shootin the shit during reruns of "The Office". We get along so well, and I'm so fortunate that he's a friend of mine. Visiting Portland is partially awesome just because he just doesn't care what we do, whether it's kickin it and eating burgers, drinking coffee or hittin up bars and clubs and going up to random girls. And Abram is doing a lot of the approaching now.. I've taken a huge backseat from what I used to be like..
Well.. That kinda leads up to a new story.. Portland again.. So weird.. Maybe it's just luck of the draw.. So the second night I was in Portland, Abram and I went to a club called "Society" which was not even our original plan.. We had first planned to hit up a club called 915 and it was closed for some reason. So we walked down about another block and we came across Society. There's a doorman standing right in front the club and I ask him what the place was. And he responded by telling me that it was s bar and a club. I'm thinking "Cool, let's just start with this place". So Abram and I get in, and it's still pretty slow. Maybe about 15 people inside, few girls, few fellas, there's curtains and a lot of red tones and several flat screen television on the main floor where the bar is.. Abram and I go inside and order our first drink.. The bartender made our vodka sodas pretty damn weak.. So we decide to go for beers and shots for the rest of the night.. The night goes on for a while and then we hit up the dance floor...
I'm dancing around on the floor and then Abram tries to get my attention and says "Hey man, I think those girls are checking you out, man!" And I just shake my head and brush it off.. I didn't believe him.. And he still insists that these girls were checking me out.. I don't normally think any girl is just looking at me.. And I never try to jump the gun and misinterpret a look.. So I was pretty set on ignoring these girls.. Abram then suggest going up to them and I tell him that I'm for it, and I'll follow his lead.. Abram goes straight up to one of the girls and asks her "Hey, were you looking at my friend??" Lol!! I can't believe he just asked her that!! REALLY???? THAT STRAIGHT UP??? I was a little mortified, lol.. But Abram was drunk and absolutely fearless.. In fact he had a smile on his face the whole time he was doing it.. He was definitely in a good mood.. The girl he asked immediately starts shaking her head.. And I'm like "Aaaah, man!! You shouldn't have asked her that!!" And Abram just laughs and shrugs... We go back to the other side of the dance floor and I'm poppin and lockin and having a great time.. About 5 minutes pass and Abram nudges me again.. He says "Hey man, it's those girls again! I think they're offering you a drink!" And I'm like "Nooo no no... They're not, man.. Trust me" And I look over for a moment and there they are... All waving me over to grab a shot... I'm stunned at this point.. And I go ahead and take the drink with them.. At this point I realize that one of the girls was actually looking at me.. Abram had just went up to the wrong one.. But he had the right idea.. I gave him crap for having the balls to go up to them and it ultimately ended up leading me to get a number at the end of the night... Abram was the man.. I was the puss.. I should have known better... So yeah.. I get the number, and in two days go out on a date with a 5'1" Dark-haired, petite little girl named Kim. Kim is a recent divorcée with a daughter..
I'm not going to go into too much detail about the date. But I'll tell you that it was long, there was a shitload of talking, and I was tired and partially hung over.. And finally.. No, I didn't get laid.. Turns out she's a nice girl, looking for a serious boyfriend...
So here goes my dilemma.. Once I got back to Cali, I decided to text her and keep in touch with her.. I mean.. What the hell. I don't know anyone out here and I don't want to bother all my buddies with too many text messages.. So, I'd rather have a text message gal friend.. So I text her, we flirt, she starts texting me on a daily basis and vice versa.. Eventually she starts saying things like "I miss you" and "I really wish you were here with me"... And then she reveals that she might come to the area for a wedding.. And I'm thinking that this is a golden opportunity for me to get what I didn't the last time.. I know what you're thinking.. I'm bad.. Not nice.. But seriously.. If you were in my position and have kinda given up on the idea of finding the right person, you start looking at life and the options with someone in a completely different way... Sex becomes paramount.. Relationships... Not so much... So, anyway, she ends up canceling because other things came up and she can't make it that weekend.. So whatever.. But we continue to keep in touch and then she wants to start moving our conversations over to the phone eventually.. And then she starts alluding to more sexual things... She asks me personal questions about how "I like it" and if I groom in my private area and things of that nature, lol.. And this gets me going, but then she always screws things up by saying "I knew you were different from other guys.. You're really sweet.. You have a nice voice.. I can tell you're a good guy.."
*ARRRGHHH!!!* CONSCIOUS KICKING IN!! SERIOUSLY!!
So now she's talking about how she loved the fact that her having a child never bothered me.. WELL HELLO!! It didn't bother me because I never intended on being serious and becoming some type of step father!! And now she's talking about how she's going to set up another week to come out near the bay area to visit some friends and have me come and see her.. Or maybe even visiting her and staying at her place... And this might sound sorta bad.. But I don't even want it that bad.. I just needed something to feed my brain, and keep me stimulated, flirtation through text is fun.. And quite honestly, I don't even feel like we have that much chemistry.. But somehow I think she feels that we do... I can tell that we'd probably have a ton of sexual chemistry.. We're attracted to one another and that's about the extent of it.. But why should I complain?? I'm a true dickhead!! I respond to her by saying "Miss you too" and bullshit like that! WTF... I was so set on just letting this shit take its course and end up sleeping with her a time or maybe even two.. But now I don't think I can move forward with it... I'm confused.. I'm thinking of slowly letting this one go.. Or even maybe kinda partially telling her the truth.. Or I could go with the "I don't think I can do long distance". And the other part of me doesn't want to eventually fall for a girl that I supposedly just wanted to sleep with in the first place.. I mean.. I can talk all the shit I want.. But the truth is.. I'm vulnerable just like any other human being.. I've been single for a while now, aside from random hook-ups.. I could potentially settle for someone who is not right for me...
I'm going to fiddle with my thoughts for a while.. I really do hope I make the right decision for her sake and for my own sake.. Let's all hope that I do... Again.. to all of you non-existent readers.. Farewell til my next Ramble on life..
-Observing You
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