So, I guess it's been a while since I've visited my own blog. You know, when I first started this thing, I had all these thoughts about how I would project all my ideas onto this little blog, and everyone would be like "Whoa, this guy is funny, smart and to the point". Or some bullshit like that. Haha, that never happened. I think I told one person about the blog. And I'm sure he's even forgot that I have one.
So, what am I going to do? I'm just going to use this as a journal. Because with nobody knowing about my blog, I'm essentially talking to myself.
Today is December 29th, 2010. There's only two days left of this year. What has happened? Well, I moved from Reno Nevada to Fairfield, CA. The reason was to help my parents open this restaurant in Napa and that project has been delayed big time because we had all sorts of problems obtaining a building permit. But it's finally under way, so hopefully I'll be employed by sometime next month. Alright, that's all boring bullshit.
So, I'm a little buzzed. I feel kinda nice. I'm not drunk, so I can still type. YAY! And who knows I'll probably abandon this blog after tonight anyway. So fuck it.
This year has been good its own ways. I quit smoking, and I've been clean since March (with the exception of June when I went to Vegas) But since I've been back, I've quit cold turkey. Even when I'm partying. Don't get me wrong, I still get tempted for a split second at times, but I get over it fairly quick. I've been working out for a while too, I started at 24 hour fitness sometime in March, joined a program at Crossfit after that, tried something called Crunch Cardio, got up to 6 miles in my runs and then I took a fat break in October and November and got a bit soft again. Now I'm almost complete with the first month of P90X. It's a pretty good program and it's pretty much the only thing I have going for me so far.
I'm unemployed, bored, depressed, angry, and I get a slight jolt of excitement from my P90X work-outs. The days I miss, I feel like the biggest loser in the world because I'm not even making any money right now. I must admit that I've been the most positive this year out of all the previous years because I made a lot of good changes in my life, but now I don't have a car and I'm waiting for employment again. I'm 30 years old and I feel like the biggest piece of shit for the most part. I pray, but I feel like I'm the biggest reject when it comes to that stuff. I do it because somehow I feel like I'm hanging by a string spiritually and that might the only thing the prevents me from completely losing it.
I still don't have a girlfriend, I've hooked up with a few girls and even turned down a few throughout the year. Nice girls who were genuinely interested didn't get a pursuit from me because of the fact that I couldn't find much in common with them. But don't worry, I didn't take advantage of them. I didn't sleep with them and then throw them away, because that would be wrong. Although, if they did throw themselves at me, I probably wouldn't decline. The last time I slept with a girl was in September and it was during a trip to Portland. It was a some random girl that I met at a strip club of all places. I normally don't like those places, but Portland, OR doesn't have much of a nightlife so my friend and I decided to just check out a strip club the night before I headed back home. There were two girls there, one white and one Asian. The white girl's name is Brettney (Yes.. i know strange spelling) and she was there to apply for a job. The Asian one is Linda. I know you're thinking, wow, those are some real winners, right? Whatever, don't judge me.
So my bud (We'll call him Abram) and I start talking to these two girls because there wasn't any management around for them to talk to. So they decided to just hang out and watch the other girls go to work. So we just end up talking, I'm pulling out 1 dollar bills and tipping the dancers, Abram is doing the same thing. We're barely even looking at the dancers, mainly just mingling with the two girls. And finally the place is about to close. They announce it, and that's our cue to leave. We went there by cab, and we needed a ride back. Brettney offers us a ride back to the hotel and we gladly accept. We drop by a 7 eleven, grab a 6 pack of beer and a 6 pack of that crap called Mike's Hard Lemonade for the girls. We get to the room and the girls think it's so awesome that we're staying at a mini suite. I can tell.. These girls haven't ever been outside of Portland or Vancouver. So of course Abram and I ask Brettney to give us a sample of what kind of dances she'll be doing at the club. And this girl is completely shy about doing anything. So she takes a chug of her water bottle filled with some cheap Vodka. And she's ready to go. She's giving us mild lap dances and it's getting kind of boring. This goes on for about 30 minutes or so.
OMG... I just want the girls to leave at this point. What kind of girl sticks around and does lap dances for 30 minutes and doesn't take off a single item of clothing. This was really starting to suck for me and I was so tired. I needed to catch a flight in the morning. But now Brettney and Linda want to go to the balcony and smoke a cigarette. I stay inside for a moment, so I don't get tempted to smoke. Finally I go outside and grab Brettney and tell her to come inside where it's warmer. She comes inside and she stumbles onto the bed, and we're laughing about something. I can't remember what, and we're laying in bed, facing one another and we instantly start making out. I remember her saying "I thought you were cute, that's why I offered you a ride back, but I don't normally do this"... I'm thinking "Uh... So if you're attracted to someone, you just go to a hotel with them?? That really conceals the fact that you're promiscuous" Whatever, at this point, I'm really horny. So we get underneath the sheets and we start messing around. And then each item of clothing just comes off with ease. I was surprised that she didn't have a tramp stamp. Or any tattoos for that matter. I just figure strippers would just come with that stuff, lol. But then again, she wasn't a stripper, she was just an aspiring one, and like I said earlier, she doesn't have the talent for it.
As all this is happening, I'm trying to remember in the back of my head whether I remembered to bring condoms or not. I went directly to my luggage and I found a few rubbers from my previous Las Vegas trip that I didn't have a chance to use. So it slipped one on, and she did show intent to practice safe sex because she asked me if I had one before we commenced. And at that point, it went on and on and one... I didn't want it to go for long.. Really.. I didn't.. I wanted to make it fast and get on with it.. But I don't know what it is.. Maybe it's because I watch too much porn.. I couldn't finish. Abram and Linda walk in from the balcony while me and Brettney are going at it furiously. I tried keeping it somewhat quiet, but she was squealing quite a bit. So Abram and Linda head over to the bathroom to hang out, they come outside to check every so often to see if we're finished... We're not.. We keep going and finally after all the effort, I achieve the goal.. I get up from bed, put on my boxers and Brettney passes out almost immediately, completely naked and uncovered. I take the top sheet and cover her up.
At this point, I have to piss like a racehorse, so I walk over to the bathroom and I'm about to knock and tell Abram and Linda that the coast is clear. But right before I'm about to do this, I hear a slight "Boonka Boonka boonka" At this point.. I have an idea of what's going on.. Because there certainly wasn't any talking involved. A few minutes pass and Abram and Linda are done taking care of business. I get inside, drain the snake and now Linda needs to get going. Brettney was the driver, completely passed out. And now Linda says "I have to go home immediately, I have to take my children to school." I'm thinking "What the fuck!!" OMG.. Abram just pounded a mother with children in school... A woman in a rocky marriage.. with a man who doesn't appreciate her.. The kind of women that are most likely to cheat... The kind of women that will gladly take a pounding from a younger man who will pay attention to her for one evening and make her feel beautiful.. Or cheap.. Whatever you would consider it. So now we're wondering what the hell we're going to do. It's almost 6 in the morning. So finally we told her to just take the car, take her kids to school and then come back and pick up Brettney. She agrees to do so. And I'm just laying in bed at this time wondering what the hell I'm going to do. Two hours have passed and Linda has not come back. I'm freaking out. Why you might ask? Well.. I left out one minor detail. Abram's parents own the hotel property.. Yes.. And the last thing I want to do escort an aspiring stripper downstairs to the front of the lobby with the chance of Abram's parents seeing me... They think I'm a nice boy.. Which I am most of the time... But last night was unexpected.. And no matter how pretty a girl is.. Waking up with smeared make-up and messy hair can make any girl look cheap... And of course the obvious.. They'll know what just took place on their property.
So I start nudging Brettney, telling her to wake-up. She just shrugs it off and tells me that she wants to sleep. And finally I tell her that Linda took her car. Wow... Her eyes bolted open so quick at that point.. On top of that, her PHONE was in her car as well! What a freakin nightmare!! So I offer my phone to her, she stops and looks at it for a moment. My wallpaper is of my little 2 year old nephew. And I know she's thinking that it's my child and I'm just some scummy asshole who was looking to hook up with a girl during my little trip out to Portland. She gets over it and starts dialing every number that she knows and she can't get a hold of anyone who can pick her up. At this point Abram comes upstairs in his work clothing and offers a ride and she accepts. We escort her downstairs with her hair looking like a mess and all and take a sideway exit. He has a car ready for her, and I open the backseat door for her. I felt like we were trying to hide some celebrity who was being stalked. It was freakin nuts. So we drive out, way past where we thought she might live, and finally drop her off.
At this point, Abram and I still can't believe what just happened. We haven't had any sleep. We both decide that we should eat something before I went back to the room. We went to IHOP, dropped a fat turd in their stalls and consumed a few pancakes. We barely even spoke during our meal. We were both so exhausted because over 24 hours have passed and neither one of us got any sleep at all. We did crack a few jokes about what happened, but that was about it. I get to my room, pack up and Abram drops me off at the airport and I'm feeling like the living dead, waiting for my flight. Everything is going in slow motion. Even a cup of coffee didn't do anything. I get on the plane, I doze off for a few seconds at a time and then finally get back to Reno. I take a cab back home and drive to McDonalds, eat a buttload of grease and finally fall asleep while I try to watch a few episodes of Dexter. I woke up the next afternoon. I had about 15 hours of sleep. I don't think I've ever slept that long in my life. I barely sleep as it is.
About a week after my flight back to Reno, Abram and I discuss what happened. We laugh, talk about the details and it's hilarious every single time.
Ok.. That was totally not planned.. I didn't intend on talking about my random hook-up with a girl. But that memory is still so fresh. And I'm glad I actually documented it. Ha... Well, stupid blog, journal, whatever you might want to call it. I'm glad I finally wrote something in it. Hopefully I'll just start rattling off about something else next time as well. OK, I'm not tired yet, but I'm sick of typing now. So I think I'll go check out another episode of 30 Rock on Netflix. Peace out, people. Oh wait.. I'm talking to myself.. I keep forgetting...
-Observing You
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